Goodbye Sirius
by Helena Valentine
Summary: Lupin ponders death and it's meaning by Tonks's side in the hospital. Remake of Sirius and just two chapters, though I might make a sequal.


I am not JK Rowling. I was not JK Rowling in my other story either. I will not be JK Rowling in the next chapter, no matter how hard I try. sigh. Oh well.

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Her face the night after it happened seemed to be burned into his eyelids. Standing out in the blood red, her pale skin covering the darker slash that was the scar over his eyes. Every time he closed his eyes, there she was. Her slender form small beneath the blankets. So small compared to this huge and horrible world. Her hair had turned to brown, he remembered her saying it was her original hair color. She never made her hair brown on purpose, it only happened when she was in pain. He had seen it once before, when she found out her Grandmother had died. She had said that she hated it, her brown hair. And the words "It's beautiful" and slipped from his lips accidentally. She had turned to him, her dark eyes wide.

For the longest time they had just stared at each other. He had felt a strange feeling tugging at his stomach, and he was suddenly aware of the comforting hand he had laid on her shoulder. Then Molly came into the room to comfort Tonks too, and the moment had been broken.

Her hair was now spilling onto the pillow on the St. Mungos bed. it was still short, but was a strange unbelievable strait and soft. He reached up a finger and brushed a strand out of her pale heart shaped face. For five days she had lain like that. Never moving. Her breathing pattern never changing. And for five days he had sat by her side, her slender soft hand in his callused one. Almost dreading the time when she would awaken, and he would have to let go of that hand. Have to pretend he didn't love her so much. Have to tell her that Sirius Black was dead.

Sirius was dead.

Another image that would be burned into his mind forever. Sirius falling, almost gracefully into the veil. A horrible death dance that captured him. A simple choice of where to stand, one single moment stole a life away from this earth.

What would happen now? What had happened to Sirius? He was dead. There was no more Sirius.

Remus had learned a long time ago that the only time and place that exists is the right now. The past didn't exist. He was sitting next to Nymphadora Tonks right now, and if someone were to count the people in the world, Sirius would not be there, because he was gone. And to the person counting, he might not have ever existed. Maybe Sirius was in that other world that people spoke of. Or maybe that was it. A life, a person, an individual like no else was gone from this world and there were no others to go too. And in 100 years, he would have never existed..

What happens to the unnamed souls?

Do they wonder forever in the dark, praying someone will say their name, so they can see light again?

Or maybe there is none. Maybe the person lives on like a broken record. Reliving his life over and over again, again and again at each moment, the same death. Was there anything Sirius was supposed to have done? And if so, what happens to that? Will it happen in a ghost, invisible whispers in the wind of what might have been? Or is it thrown into the closet, like the thousands of dark prophecies. Never to happen.

Or was that it. was that all there was planed for them from the start, to die? Nothing more or nothing less.

Tonks suddenly stirred in her sleep, and he quickly looked down, forcing himself to slip his hand from her's. Her eyes fluttered open slowly.

For a moment, they just stared at each other. Tonks looked away from him, and he suddenly felt the hand he had just left slip into his.

"Sirius died, didn't he Remus?"

Remus looked down. How had she known? His silence was enough of an answer. She leaned forward, wrapping her one arm around her knees, still half under the blankets, and began to shake, her hand never leaving his. He reached slowly forward and placed a hand on her back. She sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She had stopped shaking, but she clung to him as though terrified he was going to leave her too.

Forgetting all resistance, he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin atop soft brown hair.

Sirius had not simply lived then died. He had not done nothing. He had fought Voldemort. He had protected Harry, and given him a father and brother. He had known from the beginning he could very well die, as we all do, but he went on anyway. He had been to Remus one of the best friends of his life, had made Remus's life worth living. And now he was gone, but he had not left his last remaining friend alone. Remus still had things too protect, things to care for, Remus Lupin thought as he stroked back her hair.

And he was going to protect them.

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A/N: Ok, that's the first chapter. The second one is Tonks's view on the whole thing, and what she saw. After that though, that's it. I might make a sequal though. Ehem, cough cough, reviews are a wonderful thing.tries to wink


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